Jane Ratcliffe is a writer, animal mama, and beekeeper whose work has appeared in The Sun Magazine, O The Oprah Magazine, Tricycle, Creative Nonfiction and more, and has been selected for Notable Mention in both Best American Short Stories and Best American Essays. She writes the Substack Beyond—the internet’s most intimate, illuminating interviews with today’s greatest writers, an in-depth look into the craft of writing and what it means to be a heart-centered human in a hard world.
Pronouns: She/her
What is the thing you like doing most in the world?
Boxing. Travelling. Interviewing people whom I admire. Teaching. Listening to music. Writing, when it’s going well. These are all things I enjoy very much as they are happening. But what leapt to mind as the true answer relates to the deep contentment, groundedness, and harmony I feel with myself and the world after completing these morning tasks: Feeding Delilah (doggie) and Rudy Lu (kitty), tending to all Rudy’s old-man needs (he’s sixteen), walking D and her best friend Cookie, filling the birdfeeders, piling nuts in the crook of the maple for the eager squirrels, and, in the summer, filling the birdbath for the birds and the bees. With the exception of walking the doggies, I wouldn’t say I particularly like doing any of these things: But the completion, fills my heart, spirit, and soul beyond anything.
What is the first memory you have of being creative?
Covering a piece of paper with lines of myriad color crayons and then madly scribbling over all of it with black crayon and then using my tiny fingernail to scratch out a drawing of my house, my stick family, three cats, the sun, a tree, and a cloud. I think I still have this somewhere!
What is your biggest regret?
This one is tough. There are heaps of things in my life that I wish had gone differently, in no small part because there are things in my current life that are difficult. For instance, I want to say, I regret taking the week-long job that landed me in the showroom where the enormous tabletop mounted on the wall fell on my head and changed everything. How different my life would be without all these daily struggles and all the health terror I’ve lived through and the trauma that has built up over the decades! I can feel relief and adventure flowing through me just conjuring that.
And yet: I wouldn’t be the person that is filling in this questionnaire. And I’ve grown quite fond of this person. I may also have grown quite fond of the Jane who didn’t have a tabletop fall on her head. So it’s a conundrum. But since I don’t know that Jane. And I do know and love this Jane and feel protective of her, I will have to, to my great surprise, say I regret nothing.
How have you gotten over heartbreak?
Animals. Music. Nature.
What makes you cry?
This is a potent question for me. Due to my health challenges, I’ve been in survival mode so long, I’ve lost my ability to cry. I used to cry at everything. I can still remember sobbing in the theater at the end of Out of Africa decades ago, even though I don’t remember the movie. In my twenties, I cried in the shower every morning for a solid year after my beloved kitty, Tennille, died. I cried over songs, teachings with the Dalai Lama, getting divorced, deaths of loved ones, particularly strenuous fights, and everything to do with animals—happy stories and terrible ones.
But for the past couple of decades, tears have eluded me. And this has broken my heart. If I could cry, I would weep over my loss of tears. The only exceptions have been the deaths of cherished kitties. And, most recently, the murder of Alex Pretti. I wept for him, and our country.
How long does the pride and joy of accomplishing something last for you?
When I was younger, I would have to say, not long. Weeks, days, hours, minutes. It was never enough. But as I’ve grown older and overcome a lot, I find myself cherishing accomplishments more. It was nothing I set out to do. It just happened naturally as I grew closer to myself. It’s like I invited them over for tea and a quiet, tender celebration and then they never left. They’re not boisterous or braggarts, but they want to be included in the makings of my soul.
Do you believe in an afterlife, and if so, what does that look like to you?
Of all the post-death theories out there, reincarnation makes the most sense to me. Science proves that energy doesn’t die, it can only be converted. And we humans are vibrating energy fields. So whilst our bodies will decay, our spirits or souls or energy, however you view it, continue on. Whenever I see videos of a child prodigy magnificently playing a piano or trouncing a skilled adult at chess, I think, “They have done that before.” Or when I meet an animal or a human whom I know instantly and they know me, I’ve come to believe we are previously known to one another. Energy doesn’t die. Why wouldn’t our spirits find new vessels.
What does it look like to me? If we reincarnate as a human, then it looks like some version of this world we’re already in. Perhaps another country, a different family, different socio-economic sphere. But we’re here again. Honestly, given the state of this world, that terrifies me. With each incarnation, we have the ability to grow and learn and become more adept at functioning as a compassionate, loving human in this troubled world. And, of course, if we attain enlightenment, then we only come back if we decide to.
So on the one hand, I feel quite peaceful about death because I don’t believe I will end. And I trust I will become increasingly skilled at finding my beloveds again. On the other hand, coming back here does trigger my nervous system.
When I interviewed Andrea Gibson last year, they shared a line that they loved from a poem by Saul Williams: “only believers in death will die.” When I asked what they took that line to mean, Andrea said: “I don’t think that what’s real can die. I don’t think consciousness can die. And I don’t believe love can die. I don’t know if there’s anything else in the world that’s real.”
Let’s come back as love!
What do you hate most about yourself?
I don’t hate anything about myself. Which isn’t to say there aren’t things I struggle with! But hate is a loaded word for me. I have someone in my life who’s repeatedly told me how much they hate me: they’ve shouted it, stated it calmly, put it in writing. They’ve even sent me a detailed list of all that they hate about me. So it’s prompted me to think quite a bit about hatred.
To me, hatred is a form of violence; it’s an intense, hyper-focused desire for harm to come to others, perhaps even engaging in actions to make that happen, and celebrating when it does. It’s often obsessive, it’s always cruel, and its goal is the mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual destruction of the object of their hatred. Being on the receiving end of hatred is a very intense experience. I’m lucky that I’m at a place in my life where I don’t feel that way toward any part of myself.
What do you love most about yourself?
My devotion to animals. My desire to help others in whatever I can.
What is your absolute favorite meal?
Chocolate.
Photo Credit: Jane’s dad.
The post What Matters to Jane Ratcliff appeared first on PRINT Magazine.